


Beta

by yoobles



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alpha Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Alpha Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Alpha Yoo Kihyun, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beta Chae Hyungwon, Beta Lee Jooheon, Chae Hyungwon-centric, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Hyungwon deserves all the cuddles, Hyungwon is more than just a face, Insecurity, M/M, Omega Im Changkyun | I.M, Omega Lee Minhyuk (Monsta X), Pack Dynamics, Scenting, Swearing, everyone is bad at feelings, there's no specific pair, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:48:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23128054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoobles/pseuds/yoobles
Summary: Hyungwon has deeply contemplated his presentation. Being a beta isn’t so bad. Really. He doesn’t mind. Not at all.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Everyone, Chae Hyungwon/Im Changkyun | I.M, Chae Hyungwon/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Chae Hyungwon/Lee Jooheon, Chae Hyungwon/Lee Minhyuk, Chae Hyungwon/Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Chae Hyungwon/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 27
Kudos: 250





	1. Chapter 1

Hyungwon stares back at his reflection with a contemplative eye. Biting onto his tongue, he hesitantly drags his fingers across the hem of his shirt and lifts to peek at the smooth expanse of skin lying underneath. He stares until his eyes hurt, stares at his own waist expecting, or maybe hoping, to see the little dips on each side that slope downward into perfect, apple hips—

Hyungwon stares.

It isn’t until the door knob jiggles and the door is flung open that he finally snaps out of his trance, frantically pulling his shirt down and awkwardly resting a hand against the bathroom counter before greeting Minhyuk with a grimace. The older is scanning him suspiciously, eyes trailing down Hyungwon’s form, and although Hyungwon knows that it’s not Minhyuk’s intention, he feels worse than the moment he first realized his body is not picture perfect. He wants to hide behind oversized sweatshirts and coats, and wants to accentuate everything else to distract from what’s not there.

“What’s with the awkward pose? Did I catch you doing something weird?” Minhyuk’s lips stretch into a sly grin and Hyungwon releases the breath he’s been holding since he entered the dorm.

“No,” he laughs, but it comes out tense and doesn’t help prove his case, “I was just about to change and shower.”

Minhyuk pauses and Hyungwon shrinks under his scrutinizing gaze. Suddenly the omega’s grin falters and he furrows his eyebrows, making a face in Hyungwon’s general direction. “You smell distressed.”

“Am not,” Hyungwon mutters, but it doesn’t sound convincing even to his own ears.

“What’s wrong?”

Hyungwon doesn’t want to say that it’s the older who triggers his insecurity on a daily basis. It’s not Minhyuk’s fault, and Hyungwon knows that. Telling Minhyuk won’t do anything anyway, except maybe more harm than good; He’s aware that even if Minhyuk doesn’t show it, his feelings get easily hurt.

“Let me shower,” he says instead, and Minhyuk stays silent for a few minutes before nodding. He exits the bathroom silently. Hyungwon feels bad for brushing him off, but burdening the omega with his own insecurities would be selfish and inconsiderate.

When the door shuts quietly a few seconds after, he rests his head in his hands and tries not to think about the burning image of his own reflection compared to Minhyuk’s omega-like features.

It doesn’t work.

—•—

Hyungwon is almost 110% sure Minhyuk has been watching him closely since the night before. The omega doesn’t try to hide it either, eyes sharp and lips quirked every time Hyungwon meets his gaze. Hyungwon’s pretty sure Hyunwoo has his own suspicions too.

“You’re not avoiding me, right?” Minhyuk questions bluntly, crawling across the couch to rest his chin on Hyungwon’s shoulder. Hyungwon tries to focus on the random commercial playing on the TV in the background. “You would tell me—us—if something was bothering you, right? I mean, we’re a _pack_. We tell each other things.”

“If you’re trying to use the pack bond to sway me, it won’t work because I have nothing to hide,” Hyungwon responds as nonchalantly as he can muster. But it _is_ working, and now he feels infinitely worse for not being able to trust his own pack enough to confide in them. It isn’t a big problem anyway. Hyungwon can and should deal with it on his own. In time, his insecurities would go away if he ignores them.

“You’re thinking really hard.”

Hyungwon flinches, startled to realize that Minhyuk has been replaced with Changkyun. In fact, Minhyuk is no longer in the living room and Hyungwon realizes he’s been left alone with the youngest omega. Changkyun regards him with a knowing look to which Hyungwon’s shoulders drop in acknowledgement.

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been a little quiet lately,” the omega says, lifting his head from Hyungwon’s shoulder and resting it against the back of the couch.

Hyungwon forgets that their youngest is rather perceptive. But then again, with Minhyuk and Hyunwoo eyeing him constantly, he knew it wouldn’t be long before the others start taking notice.

“I’m normally quiet,” Hyungwon retaliates, shifting to face Changkyun with a small smile.

“I mean you’ve been _quiet_. Your presence is quiet. Like you’re not even there sometimes.” Changkyun plays with the choker around his neck while he speaks, and Hyungwon’s eyes are suddenly drawn to the way the younger’s Adam’s apple bobs with every word, the way his neck and shoulders pave way for smooth collarbones, and soon his eyes are traveling down to Changkyun’s hips and thighs and… fuck. Changkyun is smaller, almost delicate, and Minhyuk is soft and glowing, and they’re the perfect epitome of omega while Hyungwon—Hyungwon is unnecessarily tall and lanky and made up of skin and bones. He’s not appealing to the alphas. Would never appeal to the alphas. They would never want to spend their ruts with him. Why would they when they have alluring Minhyuk and obedient Changkyun to satisfy their every need? Even Jooheon seems more omega than beta at times; Hyungwon recalls the rapper having helped Hyunwoo with his rut last month when Changkyun was sick and Minhyuk too tired to go for a third round. Hell. Hyungwon doesn’t belong in the pack. He’s useless and worthless and the pack would do well without him.

“ _Hyungwon_.”

Hyungwon’s head snaps up and he’s met with Changkyun’s piercing eyes.

“You can tell me things, you know. If you want. You don’t need to, but if you have to, I wouldn’t share it with anyone else.” Changkyun’s words are sincere and his eyes are honest, but he’s the youngest and Hyungwon can’t share the burden with him.

“I’m okay,” Hyungwon says, reaching up to ruffle the omega’s hair. The younger smells vaguely like sea breeze with sweet undertones of honeysuckle. He smells like _omega_ and Hyungwon envies him greatly.

Changkyun yields, his lips pulled tight into a firm line, but before he leaves, he leans in quickly and rubs his cheek against Hyungwon’s scent gland. Hyungwon freezes in place, surprised at the sudden display of affection from the youngest. Scenting is not uncommon in the pack, but Changkyun is rare with initiating open affection, and Hyungwon is not one to complain.

Across the room, Kihyun leaves the bathroom to head for the kitchen, and catches Hyungwon’s eye. The alpha looks simultaneously confused and curious, but Hyungwon shakes his head and Kihyun decides to leave it. Hesitantly, Hyungwon scents Changkyun back, stiff and out of place, but the feeling of relaxation and warmth hits him almost immediately. He knows it, but he’s reminded again how good it feels to be scented. He feels like he belongs.

“Go to bed now, you two,” Kihyun interrupts softly from the kitchen.

Changkyun chuckles at the alpha’s gentle chiding, “You’re such a mom. It’s a wonder you presented as an alpha.”

“Alphas can’t be motherly?” Kihyun raises an eyebrow, retort at the tip of his tongue. Hyungwon turns to Changkyun, waiting for his response.

“No. I just… It’s refreshing. You make a good alpha.”

Kihyun is unable to hide his small smile, satisfied, while Hyungwon stares in deep contemplation.

—•—

Hyunwoo is watching his every move, from the way he holds his chopsticks to the way he picks up his food. Hyungwon squirms uncomfortably under the pack alpha’s blatant stare as he eats, every bite contributing to his loss of appetite.

“So,” Hyunwoo clears his throat, “Anything happen lately?”

With a soft clang, Hyungwon sets his chopsticks down and stares at Hyunwoo, unimpressed. “I thought you called me to eat.”

“I did,” the alpha says, setting his own chopsticks down and rubbing at the back of his neck.

“Then why is it an interrogation session now?” Hyungwon picks at the napkin on the table beside his bowl, eyes wandering from person to person in the restaurant. He can’t bring himself to stare at Hyunwoo for longer than two minutes, afraid that the older’s gentle eyes and soft mannerisms will get him to confess every negative thought he’s had since as long as he could remember. Now that he thinks about it, he can’t recall when he first started feeling insecure.

“I only asked one question,” Hyunwoo murmurs, but his tone is more concerned than defensive.

Hyungwon doesn’t like the way the leader is regarding him with such worry.

“Did Minhyuk say anything to you?”

“Well,” Hyunwoo grimaces, “Yeah. But some things I’ve noticed on my own.”

“I have no idea what he said, but I’ve just been very tired lately. There’s not much to it.”

“Tired doesn’t mean standing in front of a mirror for hours,” Hyunwoo says softly, much to Hyungwon’s surprise. He’s underestimated the alpha; Hyunwoo knows much more than he let on.

“Look, I know it’s not really my business, but when it starts to affect you in a negative way, then it affects all of us in a negative way because we don’t like to see you suffer, especially on your own. Then it becomes a pack problem because we want to help you. I, as pack alpha, want to help you.”

Hyungwon sighs. “It’s not what you think.”

“I don’t know what else it could be, Hyungwon,” Hyunwoo says seriously. He attempts to look Hyungwon in the eye. “We’re worried about you.”

Hyungwon suddenly starts to feel the urge to vomit. He’s never felt so small in front of his pack alpha, and he’s never felt so afraid of ruining their pack dynamics.

“I’ll call a pack meeting tomorrow—“

“No!” Hyungwon blushes when customers take a glance at his direction. “I mean, please don’t. I just need a little time to myself.”

Hyunwoo doesn’t look convinced.

“I promise.” If there’s one thing Hyungwon is good at, it’s the fact that he‘s an inherently good liar.

Hyunwoo picks up his chopsticks. He pauses, and then offers a piece of meat to Hyungwon. “Eat it or I’m not going to drop the topic.”

Hyungwon takes the bite.

—•—

“Hey.”

Hyungwon looks up from his phone to see Hoseok at the foot of the couch, offering him a gentle smile.

“Hi.”

The alpha slowly climbs onto the couch beside Hyungwon, nestling tightly into him and resting his nose against his scent gland.

“What are you doing?”

“Scenting you.”

“I know that.”

“Then why’d you ask?”

Hyungwon carefully sets his phone down on the arm of the couch and turns around to face the overly affectionate alpha.

“Are you here to talk to me too?”

“Talk to you about what?” Hoseok says, breathing in deeply. He snuggles closer into Hyungwon, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms tightly around his uncomfortable pack mate. Hyungwon shifts in Hoseok’s hold, alarms going off in his head shouting at him that he’s not as soft as Minhyuk or as tiny as Changkyun and that he’s not meant for cuddling, not the right person to hug, and _not_ Minhyuk _nor_ Changkyun. Hyungwon tenses beneath Hoseok as the older crawls on top of him on the couch, eyes now open and full of adoration.

“So beautiful,” the alpha hums and Hyungwon shudders involuntarily.

“I knew it.”

“Knew what?”

Hoseok looks genuinely confused as Hyungwon sits back up, pushing the alpha away with both hands.

“You’re just here to talk to me about the issue.”

“What issue?” Hoseok looks hurt at Hyungwon’s cold response to his affection, but he stops to engage in his questions.

“The bathroom issue. Did Minhyuk or Hyunwoo send you to talk to me? To give me compliments or something?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Hoseok says, pulling further away with a frown. Hyungwon doesn’t respond, eyes silently searching for any sign of a lie instead.

“I just missed you because I haven’t really seen you around recently. I wanted to cuddle with you like we used to.” Hoseok sounds more and more upset with every word, the smell of coffee and almonds pouring from him in thick waves. But it’s not the deep, warm scent Hyungwon is familiar with. It tastes bitter and burnt on his tongue, a reflection of Hoseok’s distress.

“No, I—“ Hyungwon gulps, “You just—They—“ He buries his head in his hands, frustrated at himself. He’s messed up. Now Hoseok’s sad and angry at him. He’s made the entire pack worried about him. He’s stressing them out. If being born a beta wasn’t bad luck enough, he has to be a shitty one on top of that.

Within moments, the scent of coffee and almonds is drowned by morning dew tinged with the scent of sour apples, and before Hoseok has the chance to say another word, Kihyun and Hyunwoo step into the living room.

“What’s going on?” Kihyun asks, nose scrunching in distaste at the strong, bitter scents in the room.

“Leave him space,” Hyunwoo says to no one in particular, ushering an alarmed Minhyuk back into the bedrooms. Hyungwon can detect the calming pheromones the pack alpha exudes, and it works to partially clear his mind.

Jooheon exits the bathroom at that moment with an equally confused and unnerved expression, and with one look at Hyungwon and Hoseok on the couch, rushes forward. He pries a frozen Hoseok from Hyungwon and replaces the alpha, nuzzling his neck against his fellow beta’s scent gland while murmuring quiet words of comfort.

Hyungwon feels at ease with Jooheon scenting him, his calm beta pheromones more soothing than those of an alpha. He can distantly hear Hoseok arguing with Kihyun in the background, but doesn’t bother to listen in on the conversation. Besides, Jooheon won’t let him. The younger beta is clutching him tightly against his chest, still whispering comforting words into his ear.

Hyungwon can’t remember the last time he fell into such deep distress. He only hopes Hoseok doesn’t beat himself up over it.

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow,” he can hear Kihyun saying. Hyungwon shuts his eyes and rests his head against Jooheon. The last thing he remembers is Changkyun’s silent gaze from down the hall.

—•—

When Hyungwon awakes, he’s still on the couch in Jooheon’s arms. The younger beta is asleep, his arms and legs wrapped around Hyungwon, effectively trapping him into the cushions surrounding them.

“Jooheon,” Hyungwon groans groggily, his eyes still adjusting to the light. The living room is surprisingly empty, though Hyungwon knows it’s the pack’s way of giving him space for now.

Jooheon doesn’t stir, and Hyungwon tries squirming out from underneath him. He manages to turn the younger onto his side and escape the couch successfully, albeit now out of breath and significantly more sore than he’s been since the previous night.

With half-open eyes and wobbly legs, Hyungwon turns to head to the bathroom. The entire house is eerily quiet, and Hyungwon debates whether or not to search through the rooms. But he doesn’t want to face Hoseok. Not right now. Thoughts of last night are already beginning to clutter his mind and it’s overwhelming him. Hyungwon shakes his head in an effort to clear those thoughts, and throws open the bathroom door. It doesn’t open as wide as he expects, caught midway as it makes a loud collision, and much to his surprise, a low groan reaches his ears.

“Changkyun?”

“Oh.” The younger stares up at him with a look of relief. “You’re okay.”

Hyungwon nods.

Changkyun observes him carefully. The way the older reacts under his stare is painfully obvious: the hunched shoulders, fidgety hands, and arms circling his torso in an attempt to take the attention away.

“I wanted to talk to you last night.”

Hyungwon’s eyes finally leave the ground. “About what?” There’s an edge to his voice, almost biting and defensive.

“I wanted to give you time to approach us on your own, but I realized that, sometimes, we have to lend our hands out first so that you have something to latch onto.”

Hyungwon huffs, eyebrows knit together and fidgety fingers now tugging at the strings of his sweatpants. Changkyun’s eyes follow the movement and Hyungwon is unsure if he imagined the subtle red tinting the younger’s face. “You’ve got to stop worrying about me.”

“No,” Changkyun blurts with stern eyes, “We worry about you because we care about you. And I think I know what’s going on.” He knows he’s teetering on the line between being firm enough to lure Hyungwon to confess and going too far that it will lead to a repeat of last night. But this is far too important to push aside.

Changkyun grabs Hyungwon’s hand and pulls him into the restroom as he kicks the door closed for a sense of privacy. The older’s protests are drowned out by Changkyun’s persistence to finally confront him and set things right.

“Changkyun, stop, I need to shower.” It would have worked if Changkyun didn’t detect the slight panic in his voice, stained with the tiniest inkling of pure fear. He sets his lips into a firm line and gently guides Hyungwon toward the mirror.

“What do you see?”

Hyungwon doesn’t face his own reflection. He doesn’t want to confront what he knows he will see. Doesn’t want to, especially when Changkyun is right beside him.

“Hyungwon.” Changkyun coaxes him with a deep, gentle voice. “You need to take a look. I’m right here.”

 _That’s the problem_. “Changkyun, really, I’m fine. Let it go.”

“Fine. I’ll start then.”

Hyungwon shakes his head. He doesn’t want it. He doesn’t need to hear Changkyun confirm every flaw _he knows_ is obviously there, visible to even the blindest eye. Hyungwon knows because he’s been there already, standing in front of the mirror to count each and every imperfection that adds up to the failure that he is. In a perfect world, there would be no title to latch onto his name. No subcategory to trap him under one label for the rest of his life. Something permanent. Something ugly. Something _not omega_. He doesn’t know when the obsession started, doesn’t know how, but now that he’s fallen deep into that dark abyss, he doesn’t want to know at all.

When Hyungwon finally looks up, he meets Changkyun’s eyes in the mirror. The youngest is frozen, quiet. The silence is so suffocating, Hyungwon gasps for air, choking on nothing and everything all at once. The little pitter patter against the sink is what alerts him of the sudden warmth on his face, the sudden wetness clinging to his hands as he clutches tightly at the edge of the sink. The faucet isn’t on. With a weak cry, Hyungwon slumps forward and closes his eyes as his forehead makes contact with his blurry reflection. His lips form around the word in a hoarse whisper.

“ _Beta_.”

Changkyun’s surprised, sharp intake of breath is all Hyungwon hears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you struggle with insecurity, whether it’s low self-esteem regarding physical or emotional aspects, don’t struggle alone. And remember that beauty is subjective.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> End.
> 
> A/N: As I was still in the middle of writing Chapter 2, it was announced that Hoseok is free of all charges. I cannot explain how emotional that news made me. Let's continue to support all seven.
> 
> Also, sorry for the late update :(  
> Hope you enjoy. ♡

Kihyun’s seen it.

He’s seen the constant shying eyes and lack of physical affection on top of the long bathroom runs. Kihyun knows. It’s only confirmed after Hyunwoo approaches him quietly an hour before his usual bedtime, eyes sad and heavy with concern beneath the glasses perched atop his nose. The pack alpha voiced his own thoughts on the matter, stating his observations besides what Minhyuk’s noticed, and Kihyun, at that moment, is almost certain.

But Hyungwon is beautiful—has always been beautiful. Kihyun has asked himself countless amount of times how the beta could ever be insecure. Hyungwon has long legs that Kihyun both envies and admires, and he’s slender and dainty. Hyungwon is tough, too: not demanding, yet, not fragile, and Kihyun admires that about him most. Hyungwon can be stubborn, and it’s that sheer tenacity that Kihyun finds so alluring.

Hyungwon is strong, and that’s beautiful.

So it‘s a surprise when he opens the bathroom door to discover Changkyun on the floor, cradling a perturbed Hyungwon. It’s a little awkward; the much smaller omega struggles to hold the tall beta close with as much strength as he can muster. Nursing a stuttering heart at the sight before him, Kihyun kneels down and gently brings Hyungwon’s head to his own chest. He knows, and he feels ashamed for not approaching the beta sooner.

“Changkyun?”

The younger gives no response, eyes distant and wary.

“Kyun, you can leave. I’ll handle things from here.”

Like a switch has been flipped, Changkyun flickers back into motion. He clutches onto Hyungwon tighter. “No, I’m staying.”

Kihyun sighs in acknowledgment. “Alright. Then help me bring him to his room.”

Changkyun nods once and begins to stand. He stumbles and Kihyun just barely catches him, one hand still supporting Hyungwon’s upper body.

“Changkyun, I think—“

“I’ve got it.” There’s an unyielding sort of determination igniting Changkyun’s eyes and Kihyun relents. Maybe it’s because he sees the same sort of persistence within himself.

The two hoist the shivering beta toward his bedroom, and when they finally settle him onto the bed, Kihyun detects the faintest whiff of Hoseok’s scent. He turns to the doorway where the older alpha stands idly, eyes dim with remorse. Hoseok hesitates, glancing back and forth between Hyungwon and the other two in the room.

Kihyun shakes his head. Hoseok raises his eyebrows in worry, lips stretching into a grimace.

“Is he okay?” he whispers, timid and unsure.

“He will be,” Kihyun nods. He hopes. “But you can’t be in the room right now. You still reek of distress.” AtHoseok’s concerned stare, Kihyun sighs, “I’ll be with him the whole time. He’ll be fine.”

With one more glance at Hyungwon, the alpha backs away and leaves just as quietly as he came. Kihyun glowers at the floor— wishing he could do more to ease the tension—and beckons Changkyun over, to which the younger complies rather easily. The omega looks tired already, dark circles outlining his lower lashes and eyelids drooping with fatigue. Kihyun stares fondly and presses a gentle kiss to the youngest’s temple before guiding him out of the room with a soft hand against his back.

“Do you really think he’ll be okay?” Changkyun murmurs, melting into Kihyun’s side.

“Like I said, he’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it, pup. For today, just rest.”

Changkyun nods and allows Kihyun to carry him to his own room, the calming scent of the alpha luring him back to sleep. Kihyun tucks him in and turns back toward Hyungwon’s room to crawl onto the bed beside the beta.

He pictures Hyungwon’s smile and closes his eyes.

—•—

Hyunwoo has always been given special treatment. As the pack alpha, what he says goes, and the pack has never questioned his authority. But now, Hyunwoo wonders if he has the right to keep his title. Knowing that Hyungwon has been suffering under his watch is a feeling that creeps under his skin and bleeds into his heart. He’s failed the pack as their leader, and now he’s forced to watch them fall apart as his punishment.

Seeing quiet, dependable Hyungwon so utterly distraught is both unnerving and painful. The tall, steadfast pillar that Hyunwoo is familiar with has become a crumbled mess, and it’s Hyunwoo’s fault. It’s always Hyunwoo’s fault. He’ll take the blame, because he _is_ to blame. Because he should have trusted his instincts. He should have seen through Hyungwon’s lies at the restaurant. He should have asked. He should have pushed. He should have known.

He takes full responsibility.

“Hyunwoo, do you know anything?”

The pack alpha blinks, eyes adjusting to the tiles of the kitchen floor. There’s a water cup in his hand that he doesn’t remember grabbing, and a dry throat that’s beginning to burn. He blinks again and composes himself before turning his head to a drowsy Jooheon and a troubled Minhyuk with a reassuring smile, “Kihyun’s in the room with Hyungwon. For now, let’s not overwhelm him.”

Minhyuk’s sudden sob echoes throughout the vicinity. Hyunwoo sets his water cup down on the kitchen counter and looks back at the omega, surprised.

“I heard what he told Changkyun. I didn’t mean to, but I heard it in the bathroom.”

“What’d he say?” Jooheon urges, more awake than he was just seconds prior. His eyes are wide and his hands move back and forth, unsure of whether or not to touch the upset omega.

Hyunwoo stares in silence.

“Minhyuk?” Jooheon whispers.

The omega shakes his head and launches himself headfirst into the beta’s chest. Jooheon makes eye contact with Hyunwoo, hands finally coming to a rest on Minhyuk’s back.

Hyunwoo sighs and looks away.

—•—

When Hyungwon awakes, the room is dark and the curtains are drawn shut. The only source of light comes from the doorway where the door is left half-open like he remembers it was before he fell asleep.

Hyungwon sits up to take a proper look at his surroundings, back cushioned by the pillows resting up against the headboard, and hits something soft in the process. The scent hits him before he can turn to see. He turns anyway. It’s Kihyun, deep in his sleep and eyebrows furrowed so intensely that Hyungwon reaches forward to smooth them out. The alpha groans softly in his sleep, fringe brushing his eyes as he adjusts his position. He scoots closer to Hyungwon and the beta holds in his breath for fear of waking him. Kihyun is a light sleeper after all. But he doesn’t make another move, and Hyungwon tentatively places his fingers back on the alpha’s face.

A knock on the door startles him, and Hyungwon quickly retracts his hand to see Hyunwoo at the doorway with a guilty expression. The oldest alpha awkwardly utters an apology and Hyungwon stares with cautious eyes until Hyunwoo lifts both his hands in an act of surrender.

“I’m not here to interrogate you. I just wanted to let you know that you missed breakfast and lunch.”

At Hyungwon’s lack of response, the pack alpha sighs.

“It’s okay. Nobody else ate either.” Hyungwon’s eyes widen a fraction at the older’s words. “I tried to make something for you and Kihyun anyway. It’s not much, and,” Hyunwoo takes in a deep breath, “and it probably won’t taste that good, but… it’s there. In the fridge. I left it there. For you... to eat.”

Hyunwoo walks farther into the room, hands at his sides and picking at the fabric of his pants. He stops a few feet away from Hyungwon’s side of the bed.

“If you have anything to say to me, I’m here to listen.” Hyunwoo’s eyes are visibly merciful and forgiving in the darkness. “Do you?”

Hyungwon’s own eyes find the softness in the pack alpha’s strong features. Hyunwoo is backlit by the warm, yellow glow of the doorway, and Hyungwon thinks the pack alpha is beautiful, too. The light pouring from in between every crevice accentuates Hyunwoo’s features like he’s meant to be captured in a painting than on Hyungwon’s bed. At that moment, Hyungwon wants nothing more than to hold onto the pack alpha and answer his question. He has a million thoughts crowding his mind and Hyunwoo is there, graciously holding out a hand and offering him a moment of truth. But then he remembers Changkyun’s look through the mirror: surprised and horrified, and Hyungwon—

_Can’t_.

“Hyungwon?”

Hyunwoo watches as Hyungwon’s eyes grow from distant to clear again as he calls the beta’s name for the third time. Without another word, Hyungwon turns away and curls into himself.

Hyunwoo nods. He lays a gentle hand on Hyungwon’s shoulder, trying to ignore the way the younger flinches under his touch, and exits the room.

Hyungwon lays in silence after Hyunwoo’s departure, staring at the ceiling like somehow, things will get easier the harder he stares. Black spots dance in his vision the longer he lays there, unmoving, glaring at the ceiling for rejecting his pleas for help.

The ceiling leaves his sight as Hyungwon abruptly sits up and holds his head to cease the swaying and the nausea he’s suddenly overcome with. Eventually, the black spots disappear and the nausea becomes bearable enough to swallow. Scrambling off the bed with long, clumsy limbs, Hyungwon slowly walks toward the door and leaves the room, not before sparing Kihyun another glance. The hallway is several times brighter than his room and Hyungwon places one palm flat against the wall as he walks, eyes still adjusting to the brightness.

A dip in the wall almost makes him lose balance, and Hyungwon pauses in his steps to confront the familiar sight. The bathroom door suddenly seems to loom over him, dark and threatening and inviting all at once. Hyungwon knows that the mirror, his long-time companion, will greet him cheerfully inside. It will ask him why he’s avoiding it, why he won’t stare at the present it’s given him.

_What do you see, Hyungwon?_

_What do you see, Beta?_

Hyungwon quickly continues toward the kitchen.

He stops again when he spots two familiar figures on the living room couch. Minhyuk and Jooheon are tangled together on one end, the younger beta comforting the omega with hushed words. Though concern claws at his heart at the sight of Minhyuk’s distress, Hyungwon pivots to make a detour. But Jooheon’s senses are quicker, and he turns and looks right at Hyungwon over the couch. Minhyuk turns around too, with watery eyes and attempts a smile, but Hyungwon sees right through it.

The omega opens his mouth to call him over, but in a moment’s panic, Hyungwon rushes back to his room and crashes into his pillow, breaths heavy and heart thundering. Slowly, he closes his eyes, only to briefly recall the look of hurt on Minhyuk’s face.

A hand on his back frightens him, and Hyungwon tilts his head to the side to see a tired yet alarmed Kihyun running a soothing hand down his back. Hyungwon feels like a burden. When his breaths even, Kihyun’s gentle rubs come to a stop, and the alpha raises a hand to brush Hyungwon’s hair back. It’s a comforting gesture and Hyungwon likes the feel of Kihyun’s cold hand in contrast with his warm forehead.

“Hyungwon,” Kihyun says, “I don’t want to rush you, but you’ve got to stop running away.”

Like a wall comes crashing down, Hyungwon starts to sob. All thoughts go loose, begging to be freed, and Hyungwon doesn’t want to fight them back anymore.

“I’m a beta.” His sobs turn to small gasps. “I don’t want to be a beta.”

Kihyun’s heart breaks.

He wants to reach out and hold Hyungwon for as long as life will let him, but he doesn’t deserve it. He’s surprised, and now Kihyun understands Changkyun’s reaction. _Beta_. He never would have guessed, and he feels helpless.

Hyungwon cries in defeat when the alpha leaves the room. He’s done it now. He’s driven everyone away. His thoughts have won, now won’t they please leave him alone, leave him _alone, leave me alone_ —

The faint scent of fresh berry and aloe, characteristic of a certain beta, crowds the room. Hyungwon cranes his neck to discover that Kihyun is back, and with Jooheon in tow. At the sight, he releases a shaky breath, afraid to confront the younger after running away just moments ago. But Jooheon is gentle and approaches Hyungwon hesitantly.

He sits on the floor, head resting on his arms on the bed beside Hyungwon, and says quietly, “You can talk to me. I think I would understand better than anyone.”

It feels like the situation has been reversed; Hyungwon has been a constant shoulder to lean on for the younger beta. Now that the tables have turned, he wants to burrow underneath his covers and hide away. As the older one, he should know better. He should be the mature one, the steady one.

“It’s okay,” Jooheon nudges. “You can tell me.”

Hyungwon doesn’t know if it’s because he blew up on Kihyun once, but the word vomit comes back, and it’s aiming for Jooheon with full force.

“You’re not like a beta,” he starts, and Jooheon tries to cover the fact that he’s taken aback. “Perfect in every way. Everyone adores you. Because you’re like an omega. And I’m,” Hyungwon breathes in, “I’m a beta, in every single, ugly way.”

It’s like the anchor on his shoulders is suddenly lifted, and Hyungwon feels like he can breathe. Simultaneously, he feels like he’s been punched in the gut. It’s terrifying, the way Jooheon’s eyes widen as he stays silent.

“Hyungwon, no,” Kihyun breathes, just an arm’s length away. Jooheon continues to make no move.

Hyungwon continues, “You’re cute and soft, but I’m not. Alphas like omegas.”

Kihyun doesn’t like where this is going.

“No one likes tall, quiet betas.”

“No one likes betas.”

Jooheon purses his lips.

“No one likes me.”

“Cut the bullshit,” Minhyuk comes barreling into the room with a tear-stained face. He clings onto Hyungwon on the bed, wrapping his entire body around the sobbing beta to engulf him whole. Hyungwon has never seemed so small as he does now.

“You are a fucking beta,” Minhyuk spits, and Kihyun moves to pull him away from Hyungwon. But the omega’s shoulders are shaking too, and Kihyun, with clenched fists, retreats.

“Own it, you asshole.”

“Minhyuk,” Jooheon finally speaks up, tone indicating a warning.

“Shut up, Joo. Let me speak.” The omega hauls himself into a sitting position and pulls Hyungwon up with him before placing both hands on the disgruntled beta’s face. “You are gorgeous. I see it, everyone sees it. The mirror sees it, but your eyes lie to you, and they will continue lying to you until your mind believes it first.”

Hyungwon shuts his eyes—a temporary remedy for situations like these—wanting to erase the memory of his distorted reflection staring back at him.

“You are everything to this pack, and if we have to remind you again, day after day, minute to minute, every fucking _second_ of our lives for you to believe it, we _will_. Sure as _hell_ we will.” Minhyuk’s teary eyes are angry, but they hold no bite. Hyungwon reopens his own eyes to come face to face with the omega’s desperate sincerity.

Beside him, Jooheon tenderly takes one of Hyungwon’s hands in his own and says, “If I were the only beta in this pack, I would lose my mind. Why do you think every pack has a beta? We’re the sane ones here, we keep the pack intact. Because we see through our eyes, not our dicks.”

“I said shut the fuck up, Joo. How could you joke around at a time like this?”

“Excuse me, do you think I’m joking around?”

“Can I have a moment?”

Everyone turns to a frowning Hoseok at the door.

Hyungwon recalls the previous night and shies away. He avoids Hoseok’s eyes, and the alpha is fully aware. It stings just a little, but he understands.

Hyungwon’s attention is drawn back to Jooheon when the younger pats his knee comfortingly. “We’ll be in the living room.”

“And our talk isn’t over,” Minhyuk glares. But his gaze easily melts into one of fondness, and Hyungwon manages to find it in himself to smile.

Kihyun leaves the room after them, sending Hyungwon a sympathetic look and closing the door behind him.

Hyungwon gathers his courage and looks up at the remaining person in the room.

“I, um, I heard some parts,” Hoseok begins carefully, brushing away the hair in his eyes. “Just the ending. I wasn’t eavesdropping, I promise.”

Hyungwon looks down at his hands as they tangle together on his lap. His back is to the headboard, while Hoseok comes to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Minhyuk is right, you know.” His voice is soft, tentative.

Hyungwon‘s brave facade falters at Hoseok’s words. “It doesn’t change the fact that I’m still a beta. Not an omega.”

Hoseok’s frown deepens, “Omega?”

Hyungwon wants to push Hoseok away and bury himself into the darkness. “Minhyuk and Changkyun are attractive because they’re omegas.”

Hoseok grips onto Hyungwon’s arm. “Baby, you don’t make any sense. What does being an omega have to do with attractiveness?”

“Then why do you never see me that way?” Hyungwon feels selfish and childish, but he’s come all this way and there’s no escape route now. “Minhyuk is pretty and Changkyun is sweet and they’re both omegas, and I’m not. That’s why you and Hyunwoo and Kihyun have considered mating them.”

Hoseok blanches, words dying on his tongue and getting caught in his throat.

“Is that how you feel?” he finally whispers.

Hyungwon’s own throat feels dry and scratchy. “Ignore that. I don’t really mean it.” He looks away but Hoseok’s gentle hand guides him back to look him in the eyes.

“That wasn’t our intention, Hyungwon. I’m—“ he chokes over his own words, “—So sorry you felt that way.” Hoseok pauses and the corner of his lips tilt downwards. He looks genuinely upset. “But of course we love you just as much. We may be very attentive to Minhyuk and Changkyun, but it doesn’t mean we favor you any less.”

Hyungwon blinks rapidly, trying hard to process the alpha’s words. Hoseok inches closer to Hyungwon until they’re side by side on the bed.

“Kihyun came to me last month, upset that you refused to eat with him. He wanted to tell you how he felt about you that day, hoping he could pursue more than just a pack relationship with you, but he thought you knew and that you declining his dinner offer meant you didn’t want him the same way.”

Hyungwon remembers. Kihyun had been so giddy that day after spending hours in Minhyuk’s room that Hyungwon could only assume his dinner invite was to tell him about how beautiful Minhyuk is and how well the omega indulges him. Hyungwon loves Minhyuk, but he doesn’t think he could have handled hearing those words come directly from Kihyun. Not after having spent his own several hours that same day in front of the mirror in detailed scrutiny of every flaw he knew he missed.

“And Hyunwoo?” His voice comes out as a whisper.

“Would never take initiative if he ever thought you felt uncomfortable.” Hoseok turns Hyungwon’s face to align with his again. “It was difficult for me, too. Being an alpha, I mean. But I came to appreciate what I am. Not that my secondary gender makes me who I am. It’s that I know nothing comes out of dwelling on the desires we know can never be satisfied.”

Hyungwon nods. He’s had this talk with himself several times. It’s all irritatingly familiar.

“Hey, look at me,” Hoseok says when Hyungwon hangs his head in shame. This time, his hand stays on Hyungwon’s face, tender and gentle. “I’m really sorry about last night. I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable. But I meant what I said. You are beautiful. I say it every time, but you just don’t listen.”

Hoseok chuckles and Hyungwon’s heart beats just a little faster.

“You do?”

“All the time.” Hoseok’s hand leaves Hyungwon’s face and the beta is left feeling disappointed at the lack of warmth.

“But I guess words aren’t enough for you.”

Before Hyungwon can question him, Hoseok leans in and presses their lips together. Hyungwon barely registers the feeling of Hoseok’s lips on his before his hands blindly reach out to grab the alpha by the shoulders. Hyungwon’s lips are chapped and his face is sticky with tears, but he has no time for shame when Hoseok is kissing him.

Hoseok is kissing him. He’s finally being kissed.

He closes his eyes, and not to run away this time.

And if there’s anything Hoseok has learned about kissing, it’s that he should close his eyes, too, but for now, he breaks the rules. Hyungwon has the prettiest hair, dark and a little coarse, the most delicate lashes, and smooth skin, and Hoseok wants to take this scene and input it into Hyungwon’s mind to finally get him to understand.

He’s beautiful.

Hyungwon slowly opens his eyes, and upon seeing Hoseok’s lazy, affectionate gaze already on him, blushes pink as he pulls away. He smiles bashfully and Hoseok stares.

“You’re supposed to close your eyes, idiot,” Hyungwon mutters.

“We’ll have to try one more time then.”

Hoseok revels at the sound of Hyungwon’s laughter.

—•—

“Hey, Kihyun?”

The alpha turns to Hyungwon attentively. He tosses the younger a blanket and raises an eyebrow questioningly.

“I’ll take you up on that dinner offer.”

For a second, Kihyun’s expression is marred with confusion, but the realization settles quickly. “Hyungwon—“

“And you’re gonna do it the way you originally planned, Ki. Promise?”

It’s silent for a few moments as Kihyun stares at Hyungwon with warm eyes. Hyungwon wonders how he’s never before noticed the way the alpha regards him so lovingly.

And it will take time.

It will take a long time for Hyungwon to finally correlate beauty with _beta_ , but he knows his pack is there to remind him that being one doesn’t define his limits. Beta may not be omega, and that’s okay. It takes commitment to adopt a certain mindset, and Hyungwon is sure that one day, he’ll be proud to be a beta.

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really good at fluff, but I tried, and hopefully, it turned out okay.
> 
> Anyway, I was seriously blown away by the response this story received. It may not be much to some, but I really was not expecting anyone to read this at all so every hit, every kudos, every comment, and every bookmark means so much to me. I really went through an emotional rollercoaster with this story, just because I tried to keep everyone in character and because I was so discontent with Chapter 2 and rewrote it multiple times.
> 
> I hope that this story was not only a source of entertainment but also something you can learn from. No matter how much you see yourself in a negative light, there will always be someone who thinks you are beautiful. Also, you should always try for yourself, not for others.
> 
> Finally, this story may have ended, but I will cry perpetually in happiness for Hoseok, and support him no matter his decision for the future. I hope you all do the same. Not the crying part.
> 
> Thank you for reading. ♡


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